I don’t always remember my dreams, and I don’t think that dreams necessarily have some deep meaning, but I can’t shake a dream I had last night. It was bizarre, in that it was mixed with such clear memories of place I haven’t been in a long time, along with such clear imaginings of people who don’t exist.

I was at Ski Sundown. I skiing for the first time in a long time, which is accurate. I was with someone who was unsure about the skiing, and who I was convincing it wasn’t a big deal. We skied right up to the lift, no line in sight, and just as we were about to seat ourselves on the chair, there was a little boy there too, as if he was waiting to get on the lift.

I knew he wasn’t going to accomplish it on his own, so I grabbed him and hauled him up onto the chair with me.

Only afterwards did I realize that he was not a kid old enough to be skiing, but a really little kid, toddler age.

I tried to call to the people working the chair lift to get them to stop, but they didn’t hear me. And so away we went, up to the top of the mountain. The boy was fighting me, in that squirmy way little kids have when they don’t want to be held, and I was desperately trying to keep a hold of him, as the alternative was him falling to the ground far below.

Knowing I was bruising his wrists and arms, but too afraid to hold him less tightly.

The top came, and the panicky fear as we put the safety bar up, to ski off the lift. I tried to get the people working the lift to slow it down for us, as I had no idea how I’d manage to ski off while holding a squirmy kid. Again, they didn’t seem to notice our need, and so we managed to ski off regardless. There was the confusion of being at the top of Ski Sundown again, the recognition of the trails I spent so much time on as a kid. We made our way into the little building that held the controls of the lift, and the people who worked it, and it was suddenly like a super modern command central. About five people with headsets, monitoring whatever it was they were seeing on their screens. I convinced them to call down to the bottom – there must have been a frantic mother down there, right?

The people she talked to didn’t believe her. Completely confused, knowing I couldn’t possible ride the lift back down and deal again with the terror of possibly dropping the child, I tried to convince these people to help me find another alternative.

They all seemed to think it was amusing, and not at all serious. I called down to the bottom of the slope myself, and in the middle of explaining the situation, the call cut off. I tried calling back, but couldn’t get through. I thought about the easy trails I could take, imagining how I could ski them while holding onto a little kid.

It seemed impossible.

I woke up.

What a weird dream.