This was going to be one long whine.

I decided to shorten it – my job makes me miserable, and how much do I really need to say about that? So change, right? I did change. I went back to school, got myself a brand spanking new career. It pays well, I like the actual work, but my two jobs in this career have made me more miserable (I think; these things are always hard to judge) than before. I quit my last job to move across country, through a couple time zones, to a new company (and a tiny one), subcontracted to a slightly bigger company (I had worked for a company of 135K people, and before that 250K people, so this company of 200 people is minuscule compared to what I’ve been used to!), essentially as many changes as possible. And somehow I’m in the same job. I get paid a bit better though.

So, I’m miserable. I start my days with 5-HTP to ward off some serious issues. It keeps me from sinking too far, so that when I get home, I’m able to bounce back.

I was thinking about all of this, and really trying to see this as a challenge. Going back to something OB said in the comments yesterday, about how the myriad details of surviving life make it hard to see the world as it really is. And I thought that if we could change our mindset and see these things as the challenge of mindfulness every day instead of the obstacle course of survival, what a difference it would make!

I’m not that strong, at least not today. Today was just frustrating and depressing, and made me feel desperate. I not only couldn’t get past that, I just plain didn’t care. What does any of this matter, I was shouting inside.

And so I came home and made chocolate chip cookies.

It reminds me of something a good friend of mine used to say, someone who I grew up with and hadn’t heard from in about 8 years, someone who unexpectedly called me this weekend.

Some people drown their sorrows. I prefer to suffocate mine with chocolate chip cookies.”

And so, I bring you Homestyle Chocolate Chip Cookies, from Dreena Burton’s “Vive le Vegan!”

1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour (or 1 1/4 cup spelt flour)
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup unrefined sugar
1/4 tsp sea salt
1/3 cup pure maple syrup
1/4 tsp blackstrap molasses
1 – 1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup canola oil (a little generous)
1/3 cup non-dairy chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350F. In a bowl mix all the dry ingredients, except the chocolate chips. In another bowl mix the wet ingredients. Add the wet ingredients and the chocolate chips to the dry ingredients, mixing until just well combined (don’t overmix). Place large spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper and flatten a little. Bake for 11 minutes, until just golden. Let cool on the sheet for about a minute, and then transfer to a cooling rack.

Makes 8-10 large cookies.

One reason I love Dreena’s cookie recipes (besides the deliciousness) is that the batches are rather small. There is only so much damage I’m doing with 8-10 cookies!

ferdinand at ps

Ferdinand is a boy who looks like he should be a girl (those ringlets! that delicate bone structure!), a goat who looks like he should be a sheep. He’s not fond of people, but he’s often right behind you when you turn around.