Wearing a headache that comes from thinking and talking about things that hurt to think and talk about, I let myself not think after I got home from work. Mental stasis. It was good. I read (I know, hard to believe) another vampire novel. Well, I started another one, anyway.

I wandered outside and noticed that the pre-dusk light was actually that perfect light. Bright but muted, filtered with the slight haze (pollution, but we’ll ignore that for now), soft in the way it is in the late afternoon, early evening. There is a tree/bush off my patio that has these white flowers right now, and the light inspired me, so I snapped a bunch of pictures.  I love my new lens. Bokeh is my one true love.

Just as I turned to go inside, I noticed a little twig caught in this pipe thing on the side of the condo. For some reason I was fascinated, and as I started taking a picture of it, I realized that the whole perspective of looking straight up the side of my condo, was really interesting to me.

Weird, really. I don’t know why I find the oddest things intriguing.

For some reason this makes me think about what might shape this. I didn’t realize it until a few years ago, not to put into words, but I have a mild version of what is best described as face blindness. I think I recognize the faces of people I know really well, but it could be compensation – the better I know people, the better I know their mannerisms, voices, movements, and that’s how I recognize people in general. This isn’t to say that I can’t recognize someone I know in a photograph, because I do. But if all I have to go on is a photograph before I’ve met someone, I can almost guarantee I won’t recognize them from that photograph in person. Oh, if they had two heads, it would make them stick out of the crowd, and I’m pretty sure I’d recognize them then.

I used to think this round about way of recognizing people had to do with the fact that my vision started going somewhat bad when I was about 11 or 12. I needed glasses for a while, but didn’t want them, and my mom didn’t force me. My grades stayed up, I just sat in the front of the class to see the board. Eventually that got too difficult, so back to the eye-doctor. I was 13, I think, and my mom knew I’d hate the glasses, so when I asked if we could do contacts, she agreed.

Until the past four or five years, though, my vision would change rapidly after I’d get a new prescription. This frustrated me. I liked to be able to see, especially after I started driving. I would ask my eye doctors about this, and they never had a clue until four or five years ago. “Do you read a lot or use the computer a lot? Anything requiring focusing on something close up?” Um, yeah, pretty much everything I do in life, except drive, requires close focus. “Get a cheap pair of reading glasses and wear them when you’re doing anything close up, or even somewhat middle distance, like focusing on a computer. Or take your contacts out to do those things.” This cuts my prescription in half, effectively, giving me a middle distance prescription which does not strain my eyes for the middle and close distance focusing. Turns out that all those years, I was correcting my vision for distance, and spending so much time focusing closer that my eyes would essentially take a step backwards.

I was a bit pissed to learn this, because I could have prevented my vision from getting quite as bad as it is now. But at least I found out eventually, and my vision has stayed really constant since then.

Anyway, I spent a lot of time not quite being able to see faces until they were fairly close, and I assumed that was why I didn’t really recognize faces. I learned differently, by chance, about a year ago when someone linked in face blindness in response to random musings I posted on a forum about not recognizing people by their faces.

I am nothing like some of what they describe, and I’ve never been diagnosed by anything official. However, some of the description is remarkably accurate for me, albeit in a mild way. So, the odd is explained.

Is this connected to other aspects of how I “see” the world around me? Who knows. Here’s the side of my condo, though. My world though my odd eyes.

condo looking up