Peace can exist only in the present moment. It is ridiculous to say “Wait until I finish this, then I will be free to live in peace.” What is “this”? A diploma, a job, a house, the payment of a debt? If you think that way, peace will never come. There is always another “this” that will follow the present one. If you are not living in peace at this moment, you will never be able to. If you truly want to be at peace, you must be at peace right now. Otherwise, there is only “the hope of peace some day.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh, The Sun My Heart
I’ve been trying to find certain kinds of balance – how to have goals that don’t become tools I use to beat myself up for not completing all of them? That’s one I think I’ve made some progress on.
It is funny, I periodically read blogs about personal development, about efficiency and productivity, and over the past few months I’ve grown to positively distrust these ideas. I’m more than a list of goals, and my happiness is certainly more complicated than that. Or maybe I mean simpler. It is sometimes hard to tell.
Regardless, I’m doing myself no favors by writing a list that will later make me feel guilty for not having been able to complete it.
Yet, goals themselves are mostly positive things.
And so I have begun to learn that I need to have goals that are a bit more vague. “Read some pages in a non-novel” is helpful, “read 1 chapter in such-and-such book” is not. For me.
Tonight I began reading a book I talked about a few days ago, “The mindful way through depression”, and I am just as impressed three chapters into it as I was two pages into it. More so, in fact.
There is an eight week plan to help start a practice of mindful meditation. I started tonight. It was a guided meditation, lying on the floor doing a guided body scan.
I’m not experienced with meditation. I really appreciated that he stated, a few times, that there was no judgement, no failure, that thinking thoughts was natural and we shouldn’t feel bad when our mind starts to wander, to simply notice and bring ourselves back to the present, to our breath and our body scan.
I didn’t find it difficult at all, and I look forward to seeing how the meditation feels day to day. I’m sure it will be different every time.
Two of the most interesting physical reactions I noticed were:
- my hands were the hardest body part for me to relax, especially my left hand
- when I would notice, and really hear and feel, my heart beating, it made me panic a little
Neither would have been anything I’d have predicted!
The one thing that it confirmed for me is that the physical act of sitting (or in this case, laying) meditation is fairly easy for me. I don’t have the urge to move or to get up and do things (at least not with a guided meditation). Mentally is where it is tough, and I had all kinds of mind wanderings, from real life stuff to fantastical imaginings to “hearing” bits of songs. Well, I say “tough” but it was more interesting than difficult to me.
I think that meditation is going to be a big help for me. Hopefully it will help me prevent relapses into depression. Even if it doesn’t do that, I know it will nevertheless help me with general life stuff.
June 3, 2008 at 9:32 am
Goal lists aren’t for everyone. You are wise to listen to your inner voice and your knowledge of what works best for you, instead of pressuring yourself to follow popular trends.
Keep us posted on the meditation process and your experiences with it. I find meditation difficult! I don’t think I’m suited for it.
June 3, 2008 at 4:09 pm
My inner voice is often a gremlin that doesn’t necessarily have my best interest in mind! Sometimes it is hard to distinguish.
I think that meditation is not necessarily easy for many of us, but I’m not sure it means we’re not suited for it. It is something we can train ourselves in, just as in yoga or running or writing or just about anything that is an acquired skill. And the training is the important part, because we’re really training ourselves to get out of the constant thinking about what was and what is yet to come, and learn how to live in the moment.
The past couple days of meditation have been difficult for me, for whatever reason, yet I feel that I’m better off for having done them. Like there is some extra stillness inside, or that I remember to breathe, remember how to let go.
But who am I to say? Maybe not everyone IS suited for it! I just have a hard time believing that you, specifically, aren’t.
I do recommend getting a good guided meditation CD to get started. I’ve found it to be quite helpful.
June 4, 2008 at 9:24 am
About that gremlin, just don’t feed it, whatever you do, and the one that works in your best interests will stand up and wave to you!
I’ve tried meditation many times over the years…in group with the gurus, in private with a well-regarded guru or two, and at home with CD’s and DVD’s, and I honestly don’t feel it’s for me, so I decided to let it go and heed my visceral instinct. That’s my crone knowledge speaking! It’s the good gremlin.
I have other ways of healing, centering, balancing, and self-actualizing that are well-suited for me, so I just chalk it up to individuality.
It’s like you felt about goal lists, they may be very popular and highly promoted, but they’re not for you, personally. I feel that way about meditation, but I’m truly happy you’re finding it beneficial.
There are many routes to wholeness, higher consciousness, and wellbeing…something for everyone. Thank Goodness for diversity! It gives us many healing modalities and many flavors of ice cream! Something for every body, mind, and spirit…
June 4, 2008 at 8:11 pm
lol. The gremlin is really good at blending. Right now I’m trying to figure out how to recognize that it is the gremlin talking…
Yeah, it isn’t meditation so much as being fully in the moment that is the point – meditation is just a tool. So if you have other tools that work better for you, definitely makes sense to use those.